It's lame, I know, but one gets desperate and lonely for commitment with the ephemeral nature of college, and when I quickly learned I would have no boyfriend to fill the void, I found Marcus in the Draper, Utah IKEA.
Marcus and I have been through a lot together, including the time I forgot to water him for a couple weeks and he nearly scorched to death in my windowsill. But after I trimmed the dying leaves and watered him, all was well. I even dust his leaves on a regular basis.
This year, I would guess about mid-February, an incident occurred on one of the worst days of my life. My computer stopped working, I got a parking ticket in front of my own house and Marcus had a tragic fall from the table where he resides. His main stalk snapped off and the vase he calls home was chipped.
Despite the fall, Marcus powered through. It turns out bamboo stalks are troopers and you can generally stick them in rocks and water and they'll be happy
However, Marcus has been having a hard time lately, so today I gave him a little TLC by watering him, dusting his leaves and adjusting his stalk. It was then he sought revenge for what I assume was the fall.
A few minutes after taking care of my dear bamboo plant, I felt something wet and sticky between my fingers. I looked and, to my horror, found blood (more than I would have expected) spreading between my pointer and middle finger.
Moral of the story is, be nice to your plants and other loved ones. Or maybe just be careful with chipped vases.